Well, I logged in this morning after a walk to do some writing and my views have jumped to 49 today! How exciting when it was zero yesterday!
I just sat down after making my Vi shake this morning. 10 oz. nonfat milk, three scoops of Vi-Shape mix (because I have a rather hefty appetite and I don't want to be hungry in an hour -- I know my body), some frozen tropical fruit (certainly not my favorite blend), about half a teaspoon of raw sugar and my super awesome new blender! I also went on a 25-30 min walk this morning. I'm building up to running my first 5k in October, but I have "started" a running program several times before (there goes that inconsistent bone again) and I think it's best for me to walk at a brisk pace for at least 30 minutes a day at this point to reacquaint my body with exercise again. After all, when I graduated college two years ago, I was working out hard for 2-3 hours 5x a week ... and I haven't worked out since.
As I was walking this morning with my music blaring in my ears, my mind was mulling over a million and one different things; it's amazing the clarity that comes from exercise and a good tune. When I was getting dressed this morning to go on my walk, I was again faced with the devastation of dressing this body that I'm currently loathing. You see those banners with quotations about being a tiger who earned her stripes and that it's important to feel good about yourself no matter how you look, but the bottom line is that when you're uncomfortable in your skin, you're uncomfortable in your skin and there's not a whole lot anybody can say to change it. But as I was walking (and feeling self-conscious as the people in the passing cars watched me), it occurred to me that I should savor my body in it's current state because this body I'm wearing ... it tells my story. And it's a really good story! It's a story about the many different places I've been, the many different phases of my life that I've lived, and the two absolutely perfect and beautiful children that make our home the absolutely wonderful place to be that it is. And this body will someday change someone's life, whoever it may be, because it will be a testimony to what a body can do. It will be a testimony to what you can do when you decide to make a change for the better.
I weighed myself this morning, but I'm going to keep my measurements, weight, and before pictures to myself. Usually my OCD would keep me from revealing them until it's been either exactly one week or exactly 30 days, but this whole experience is about stepping outside of my comfort zone so perhaps I'll reveal the first phase of my change at 13 days or some other random number. Regardless of when I reveal, it'll be exciting nonetheless.
One day at a time. One step at a time.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
The last day before the big jump
It's rather amusing to me that I have begun and re-begun this blog two or three times already. That fact is where I'll begin this entry.
I am not a consistent person. At all. As a matter of fact, the only thing(s) I have ever done consistently throughout my life are eating and sleeping. And talking ... that's it. So the fact that I created this blog in 2010 and never kept up with it doesn't surprise me one bit. But I'm on the verge of something new and big ... for real this time.
Tonight, I sit here scared half to death of what lies ahead. You see, I gave birth to my second child -- a daughter, Juliana Grace, or "Gracie" to us -- ten weeks ago. As I've said in previous entries, I gained 60 pounds while pregnant with Jaxson. Well, with Gracie, I only gained 45 ... but I was 20 pounds heavier when I got pregnant with her than I was when I got pregnant with Jaxson. She wins. Aaaaaaaaand, to add to the fun, she was my second and I'm almost 27. Things don't bounce back nor do they look the same as they once did when I was 23. Joy. Anyways, the first 20 pounds of what remained from my second pregnancy fell off like a charm, and MAN was I excited. I thought to myself those first two weeks, "getting rid of this weight is going to be SO easy!" I was wrong ... I haven't lost a pound since. So, as I said in the title of this point, today is the last day before the big jump. I recently purchased the Shape Kit from Visalus -- they have dimed the 90 day Body by Vi Challenge. The shake mix has been sitting in my study for a week now while I waited on a super cool blender in which you can blend an individual serving in a glamorous hot pink cup. Well, the blender came in today so now I have absolutely nothing holding me back from getting this show on the road. And, tonight, I went to Target and purchased two brand new outfits to wear when I start my running program. It's game time!
But, like I said, I am not a consistent person. So you can imagine the fear I feel sitting here at the beginning of what is bound to be a rather long journey ... but I can't do this anymore. I am absolutely miserable with my appearance and my body, and I have entirely too much life to live for that. I want the energy and motivation to accomplish anything. I want to be vivacious and euphoric for the sake of my children. I want sex with the lights on. I want my Husband not to be able to keep his hands off of me, not only because of a rockin bod but because I exude confidence that is almost tangible. These are the things I want and they come at a price. They come at the price of part of me dying to have what it is I truly want. So here goes nothing.
I thought to purchase a brand new journal in which to diary my progress and my journey, but then it occurred to me that I have this journal right here that works perfectly. Not only that, but making my journey public explodes the amount of accountability I feel to myself and anyone who feels the need to share in this with me. I'll post my measurements in the morning, and I'll weigh in & measure every Friday morning. I'll also try to diary as often as possible. Of course, with three kids ages 9, (almost) 4, and 2 months ... Lord knows how much I'll actually get. Stay tuned!!
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
I am not a consistent person. At all. As a matter of fact, the only thing(s) I have ever done consistently throughout my life are eating and sleeping. And talking ... that's it. So the fact that I created this blog in 2010 and never kept up with it doesn't surprise me one bit. But I'm on the verge of something new and big ... for real this time.
Tonight, I sit here scared half to death of what lies ahead. You see, I gave birth to my second child -- a daughter, Juliana Grace, or "Gracie" to us -- ten weeks ago. As I've said in previous entries, I gained 60 pounds while pregnant with Jaxson. Well, with Gracie, I only gained 45 ... but I was 20 pounds heavier when I got pregnant with her than I was when I got pregnant with Jaxson. She wins. Aaaaaaaaand, to add to the fun, she was my second and I'm almost 27. Things don't bounce back nor do they look the same as they once did when I was 23. Joy. Anyways, the first 20 pounds of what remained from my second pregnancy fell off like a charm, and MAN was I excited. I thought to myself those first two weeks, "getting rid of this weight is going to be SO easy!" I was wrong ... I haven't lost a pound since. So, as I said in the title of this point, today is the last day before the big jump. I recently purchased the Shape Kit from Visalus -- they have dimed the 90 day Body by Vi Challenge. The shake mix has been sitting in my study for a week now while I waited on a super cool blender in which you can blend an individual serving in a glamorous hot pink cup. Well, the blender came in today so now I have absolutely nothing holding me back from getting this show on the road. And, tonight, I went to Target and purchased two brand new outfits to wear when I start my running program. It's game time!
But, like I said, I am not a consistent person. So you can imagine the fear I feel sitting here at the beginning of what is bound to be a rather long journey ... but I can't do this anymore. I am absolutely miserable with my appearance and my body, and I have entirely too much life to live for that. I want the energy and motivation to accomplish anything. I want to be vivacious and euphoric for the sake of my children. I want sex with the lights on. I want my Husband not to be able to keep his hands off of me, not only because of a rockin bod but because I exude confidence that is almost tangible. These are the things I want and they come at a price. They come at the price of part of me dying to have what it is I truly want. So here goes nothing.
I thought to purchase a brand new journal in which to diary my progress and my journey, but then it occurred to me that I have this journal right here that works perfectly. Not only that, but making my journey public explodes the amount of accountability I feel to myself and anyone who feels the need to share in this with me. I'll post my measurements in the morning, and I'll weigh in & measure every Friday morning. I'll also try to diary as often as possible. Of course, with three kids ages 9, (almost) 4, and 2 months ... Lord knows how much I'll actually get. Stay tuned!!
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
My testimony.
I have been meaning to put my testimony down on paper (or on screen -- same thing, lol) for quite some time. So, rather than continuing my inaction, here goes nothing. Oh and, just so you know, this will probably be a lengthy read. You have been forewarned.
My life. Hmm. How to sum up my life thus far in words ... well, I'll start off with where a testimony usually starts. I didn't grow up in church. My family were a group of working class individuals who looked forward to NOT having somewhere to be on Sundays, and I don't blame them for it. I completely understand the notion. I remember going to church with my first stepfather's parents, but that's it. I still have the bible they gave me when I was five-years-old that I will soon give to my own son but that's all the memories I have from my earlier childhood. Fast forward a few years and I remember the tiny country church where my best friend was baptized but I also remember that it never felt like home to me. I also remember, around the same time, going to church with another dear friend of mine where I was baptized in the holy spirit for the first time, although, I had no clue what it meant. Fast forward once again and you land right smack in the middle of my junior high years where I met Nicole Marie and Momma Rose ... that is where my life in Christ begins. Harvest Time Church was the first place in the universe where I first experienced something that I had never experienced before in my life. It wasn't enough to change me but it was enough to get my attention. I met some amazing people during this time in my life, but my weekly motivation to return wasn't because I wanted to know Jesus like never before ... it involved a certain individual who will remain nameless. However, I am thankful for this brief period of my adolescence because it gave me a taste of something that kept me coming back.
I met Robert West when I was 15-years-old and I completely dropped everything in my life for my relationship with him. I fell in love with him so hard and so fast that it was dizzying ... and it changed my heart. I'd never loved another human being that way before. Our relationship was substantial but brief -- our first run was only a year long. At the end of our year, he fell in love with another. Our relationship continued on-and-off for the next year. It ended abruptly when it was announced that his girlfriend was with child and that he had decided to follow her to North Carolina where her mother had relatives. My heart was broken, but I moved on with my life. We never kept contact but we did see each other a few times over the next 3-4 years. Other guys came and went but, unfortunately, I'd given my heart away at the age of 15 and I'd never gotten it back. In 2006, I was living with my Dad and family in Aubrey, Texas when I'd gotten a mysterious Myspace message from an individual with no identity. I will keep the content of this message and the others that followed to myself, but I'm sure you can only imagine who it was. In January 2007, Robert West came home to Texas at the end of what was the most miserable and tumultuous marriage I'd ever heard of. He was broken, he was beaten down ... and he'd just made the most heartbreaking decision known to man: he'd left his reason for living -- the very flesh and blood being that'd kept him in North Carolina for almost 3 years while he weathered the marriage had nearly sucked the life from him -- to come home and start over. He made it 6 months before he couldn't take it anymore and he moved back to North Carolina to be with his son. Only, this time, it was me that went with him. The funny part (it is funny now -- it wasn't so funny then) is that I only lasted a few weeks. We just weren't ready. I came home to Texas in July of 2007 with my heartbroken yet again. I came home to rebuild my life without him ... again. Another funny part is that I only last 5 months at home before he was asking me to come back to North Carolina to be with him. I went back (again!) in December of 2007 and, in February 2008, he asked me to be his Wife. We got married on June 14, 2008 and welcomed our beautiful, beautiful son into the world on July 15, 2009. There is a lot of life in between all of these events, but I'll save those for another day.
The biggest and most important part of my testimony is my marriage and all that it has brought about in my life. In addition to my son that has shown me life that I had never imagined before him and my love for a man that I can hardly bear to explain because it runs so deep within me, our marriage has brought about the most painful and gut wrenching period of my life to date ... but the journey through and the end result of those times is where life truly begins.
(WARNING: This next part is imperative to my testimony and to who I have become in my walk with Jesus, but it contains some very personal insights into my marriage. Do not judge. If you think you might have this tendency, exit this screen and do not come back. Thanks!)
Closer to the end of my pregnancy with Jaxson, Robert came to me one day and said that he'd seen a commercial about a school called Wyotech in Daytona Beach, FL. He said that he wanted to pursue an education that could give him opportunities. After much, much consideration, this is what he decided to do. Let me back up a bit. I got pregnant with Jaxson in November of 2008; me and Robert had only been married for four months. I had been off of birth control our entire marriage, but my Husband trusted my judgement and trusted me to keep track of things so that we wouldn't get pregnant. You see, Robert didn't want any more children at the time ... but I did. I wanted a baby so badly I could have screamed (and I probably did). I can tell you the exact day my beautiful boy was conceived because I'd ovulated that day (based on twinges and cramps I'd had) ... but I didn't warn my Husband that I'd ovulated that day. Why? Because I wanted a baby and I figured that I could get pregnant and my Husband would forgive me. THIS was my mistake and THIS is how I betrayed my Husband.
Robert left to go to Wyotech when Jaxson was one-month-old. He was there for three months before he let me know that he wanted a divorce. He told me that he just wasn't happy and hadn't been for a long time. He just didn't want to be married to me anymore. This notice came to me on a Monday night -- my cousin's birthday actually. My world had crumbled and I had nothing left to hold me up. I walked out of the bedroom I was in while having this conversation with him and my legs literally gave out from under me. My heart hit the floor and my body soon followed. The next day, I had a conversation with a woman who touched me more in just a few telephone conversations than most people ever experience in a lifetime. After telling her my story she asked me, "well ... what do you want to do?" "Uhhh, what do you mean? He wants a divorce ... what else am I going to do?" "Well, you can give up and walk away. You have that right. Or ... you can fight for your marriage. Your choice?"
I had a choice? What? The man wanted what he wanted ... how did what I want factor into this? Never in my life had I ever been told that I had a choice when something was so blatantly staring me in the face. That conversation changed my life forever. I'm just so terribly sad that I never got to tell her that.
I then embarked on the most painful, most harrowing, most horrible six months of my life. I began what has been called Standing for my marriage. There are so many things that happened during that six months that I could add a ridiculous amount of text to this already insanely long entry ... but, again, I'll save that for another day. The important part is this: I gave up my excuses and all the crutches that had been holding me up in life (well, actually, my crutches chose to pick up and walk away) and I learned to stand on my own two feet with the love of God so powerful and so strong in my heart that I soon realized that I'd never experienced the true meaning of life before all of this happened. I mean it when I say that God came down from heaven that day, took me by the hand while wrapping His arms around me and He carried me through the journey that gave me back my Husband and our marriage. My Stand changed my life like nothing before ... changed me to the point where I know I'll never EVER live my life without at least keeping my eyes pointed in the right direction. His power was most certainly made perfect in my weakness, and He showed me what it means to truly live. Robert and I have been back together for almost two years now and our marriage and our relationship is stronger than it has ever been. It's not perfect, but it's more than just pretty good.
That's enough for now, but I feel better after getting that much down. Feel free to comment ... I'd love your feedback. There are some holes and some things missing, but I'll fill all of that in another time.
With Love,
A :)
My life. Hmm. How to sum up my life thus far in words ... well, I'll start off with where a testimony usually starts. I didn't grow up in church. My family were a group of working class individuals who looked forward to NOT having somewhere to be on Sundays, and I don't blame them for it. I completely understand the notion. I remember going to church with my first stepfather's parents, but that's it. I still have the bible they gave me when I was five-years-old that I will soon give to my own son but that's all the memories I have from my earlier childhood. Fast forward a few years and I remember the tiny country church where my best friend was baptized but I also remember that it never felt like home to me. I also remember, around the same time, going to church with another dear friend of mine where I was baptized in the holy spirit for the first time, although, I had no clue what it meant. Fast forward once again and you land right smack in the middle of my junior high years where I met Nicole Marie and Momma Rose ... that is where my life in Christ begins. Harvest Time Church was the first place in the universe where I first experienced something that I had never experienced before in my life. It wasn't enough to change me but it was enough to get my attention. I met some amazing people during this time in my life, but my weekly motivation to return wasn't because I wanted to know Jesus like never before ... it involved a certain individual who will remain nameless. However, I am thankful for this brief period of my adolescence because it gave me a taste of something that kept me coming back.
I met Robert West when I was 15-years-old and I completely dropped everything in my life for my relationship with him. I fell in love with him so hard and so fast that it was dizzying ... and it changed my heart. I'd never loved another human being that way before. Our relationship was substantial but brief -- our first run was only a year long. At the end of our year, he fell in love with another. Our relationship continued on-and-off for the next year. It ended abruptly when it was announced that his girlfriend was with child and that he had decided to follow her to North Carolina where her mother had relatives. My heart was broken, but I moved on with my life. We never kept contact but we did see each other a few times over the next 3-4 years. Other guys came and went but, unfortunately, I'd given my heart away at the age of 15 and I'd never gotten it back. In 2006, I was living with my Dad and family in Aubrey, Texas when I'd gotten a mysterious Myspace message from an individual with no identity. I will keep the content of this message and the others that followed to myself, but I'm sure you can only imagine who it was. In January 2007, Robert West came home to Texas at the end of what was the most miserable and tumultuous marriage I'd ever heard of. He was broken, he was beaten down ... and he'd just made the most heartbreaking decision known to man: he'd left his reason for living -- the very flesh and blood being that'd kept him in North Carolina for almost 3 years while he weathered the marriage had nearly sucked the life from him -- to come home and start over. He made it 6 months before he couldn't take it anymore and he moved back to North Carolina to be with his son. Only, this time, it was me that went with him. The funny part (it is funny now -- it wasn't so funny then) is that I only lasted a few weeks. We just weren't ready. I came home to Texas in July of 2007 with my heartbroken yet again. I came home to rebuild my life without him ... again. Another funny part is that I only last 5 months at home before he was asking me to come back to North Carolina to be with him. I went back (again!) in December of 2007 and, in February 2008, he asked me to be his Wife. We got married on June 14, 2008 and welcomed our beautiful, beautiful son into the world on July 15, 2009. There is a lot of life in between all of these events, but I'll save those for another day.
The biggest and most important part of my testimony is my marriage and all that it has brought about in my life. In addition to my son that has shown me life that I had never imagined before him and my love for a man that I can hardly bear to explain because it runs so deep within me, our marriage has brought about the most painful and gut wrenching period of my life to date ... but the journey through and the end result of those times is where life truly begins.
(WARNING: This next part is imperative to my testimony and to who I have become in my walk with Jesus, but it contains some very personal insights into my marriage. Do not judge. If you think you might have this tendency, exit this screen and do not come back. Thanks!)
Closer to the end of my pregnancy with Jaxson, Robert came to me one day and said that he'd seen a commercial about a school called Wyotech in Daytona Beach, FL. He said that he wanted to pursue an education that could give him opportunities. After much, much consideration, this is what he decided to do. Let me back up a bit. I got pregnant with Jaxson in November of 2008; me and Robert had only been married for four months. I had been off of birth control our entire marriage, but my Husband trusted my judgement and trusted me to keep track of things so that we wouldn't get pregnant. You see, Robert didn't want any more children at the time ... but I did. I wanted a baby so badly I could have screamed (and I probably did). I can tell you the exact day my beautiful boy was conceived because I'd ovulated that day (based on twinges and cramps I'd had) ... but I didn't warn my Husband that I'd ovulated that day. Why? Because I wanted a baby and I figured that I could get pregnant and my Husband would forgive me. THIS was my mistake and THIS is how I betrayed my Husband.
Robert left to go to Wyotech when Jaxson was one-month-old. He was there for three months before he let me know that he wanted a divorce. He told me that he just wasn't happy and hadn't been for a long time. He just didn't want to be married to me anymore. This notice came to me on a Monday night -- my cousin's birthday actually. My world had crumbled and I had nothing left to hold me up. I walked out of the bedroom I was in while having this conversation with him and my legs literally gave out from under me. My heart hit the floor and my body soon followed. The next day, I had a conversation with a woman who touched me more in just a few telephone conversations than most people ever experience in a lifetime. After telling her my story she asked me, "well ... what do you want to do?" "Uhhh, what do you mean? He wants a divorce ... what else am I going to do?" "Well, you can give up and walk away. You have that right. Or ... you can fight for your marriage. Your choice?"
I had a choice? What? The man wanted what he wanted ... how did what I want factor into this? Never in my life had I ever been told that I had a choice when something was so blatantly staring me in the face. That conversation changed my life forever. I'm just so terribly sad that I never got to tell her that.
I then embarked on the most painful, most harrowing, most horrible six months of my life. I began what has been called Standing for my marriage. There are so many things that happened during that six months that I could add a ridiculous amount of text to this already insanely long entry ... but, again, I'll save that for another day. The important part is this: I gave up my excuses and all the crutches that had been holding me up in life (well, actually, my crutches chose to pick up and walk away) and I learned to stand on my own two feet with the love of God so powerful and so strong in my heart that I soon realized that I'd never experienced the true meaning of life before all of this happened. I mean it when I say that God came down from heaven that day, took me by the hand while wrapping His arms around me and He carried me through the journey that gave me back my Husband and our marriage. My Stand changed my life like nothing before ... changed me to the point where I know I'll never EVER live my life without at least keeping my eyes pointed in the right direction. His power was most certainly made perfect in my weakness, and He showed me what it means to truly live. Robert and I have been back together for almost two years now and our marriage and our relationship is stronger than it has ever been. It's not perfect, but it's more than just pretty good.
That's enough for now, but I feel better after getting that much down. Feel free to comment ... I'd love your feedback. There are some holes and some things missing, but I'll fill all of that in another time.
With Love,
A :)
Friday, July 29, 2011
Yes, I know ... it's been a while. Again.
I started this blog with intentions of venting about the joys of motherhood ... and got too busy with the joys of motherhood! lol. I'm sorry I haven't kept up, although my fan base is non-existent. BUT, I graduated with my B.A. in May and will finish up the first 9 hours of my M.A. next week. I'll start orientation for my first year as a first grade teacher on August 5th and, with my first year teaching and NOT attending college classes, I plan to spend a lot more time here. I think it will be interesting to blog about the wonder of being a mother to a two-year-old (which, only two weeks in, is proving to be MUCH more interesting than being a mother to a 22 or 23-month-old was) as well as my first year teaching. I'm looking forward to taking a break from school and just devoting time to my family and my job. SO, needless to say, I better get started on the last mound of homework I've got and knock it out. I'll be back soon!!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
I know, it's been a while ...
I just read my last entry about trying to get Jaxson to eat table food and had to write something really quick ... but it will definitely be quick because I have to get up at 5 a.m. and I'm exhausted.
Jaxson is on table food just fine now. He's still a picky eater, but nothing like he was in the beginning. He's completely off of baby food and has been for months now. He's completely off of formula and the bottle (as children should be at this age) ... but he still takes a pacifier, especially when he sleeps. Actually, it's been more frequent than that lately because he's teething and, if he doesn't have a pacifier to chew on, he's chewing on his fingers, which become raw ... and blah, blah. lol.
My newest issue (although it's been an issue for two months now) is Jaxson's expressive communication. Namely, his speaking. He's so smart. He knows exactly what I'm saying to him, follows directions very well, and does what I ask him to without much difficulty. Buuuuut ... we cannot get him to speak! I can't say I've tried everything because, honestly, I don't know what everything is! It's starting to worry me the older he gets. He'll be 17-months-old in three days and he still doesn't have any "real" words! He has his "mamamamamama" when he wants me (although it's not consistant) and he has his "mymymymymymy" when his cup is empty, or when he see's it on the counter and he wants it. I've ordered a few books and DVD's to try and help me get him speaking, but it's starting to bother me. I would really like to get this little issue under control and soon that I can concentrate on something else in his development. Okay ... I just had to get that off of my chest.
I told you this would be short, but at least I wrote something! XOXO all!
Jaxson is on table food just fine now. He's still a picky eater, but nothing like he was in the beginning. He's completely off of baby food and has been for months now. He's completely off of formula and the bottle (as children should be at this age) ... but he still takes a pacifier, especially when he sleeps. Actually, it's been more frequent than that lately because he's teething and, if he doesn't have a pacifier to chew on, he's chewing on his fingers, which become raw ... and blah, blah. lol.
My newest issue (although it's been an issue for two months now) is Jaxson's expressive communication. Namely, his speaking. He's so smart. He knows exactly what I'm saying to him, follows directions very well, and does what I ask him to without much difficulty. Buuuuut ... we cannot get him to speak! I can't say I've tried everything because, honestly, I don't know what everything is! It's starting to worry me the older he gets. He'll be 17-months-old in three days and he still doesn't have any "real" words! He has his "mamamamamama" when he wants me (although it's not consistant) and he has his "mymymymymymy" when his cup is empty, or when he see's it on the counter and he wants it. I've ordered a few books and DVD's to try and help me get him speaking, but it's starting to bother me. I would really like to get this little issue under control and soon that I can concentrate on something else in his development. Okay ... I just had to get that off of my chest.
I told you this would be short, but at least I wrote something! XOXO all!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Oh, what a day ... and its only just begun!
11:00 on a Thursday morning and already I am wishing it was bedtime -- don't ya just hate days like that?
This morning, my darling boy and I got up early (too early for my taste, but Jaxson dictates - lol) ... got Daddy's lunch packed and sent him off to work ... then went to the grocery story in order to get it out of the way before everyone else decided to do their shopping. But the strangest thing happened: the moment I walked in the door, it was as if my mind evaporated and I had no idea what in the world to buy!! So I stuck closely to the 10 or 20 items on my list and got outta there. Lately, I've been suffering from the "bored as h*ll with my life" syndrome. I believe we all go through seasons; seasons where our lives are everything we could ever want them to be, and seasons when our lives just suck. My son has absolutely nothing to do with my mood these days ... in fact, he's one of the only things that gives me reason to smile. And the changes that he is going through - that rapid transition from an infant to a toddler - amaze me more and more every day and give me such joy.
You see, I'm not a perfect Mother - nor do I pretend to be. I get impatient when Jaxson is screaming at the top of his lungs for something as simple as my wanting him to sit in his highchair long enough to eat one jar of babyfood ... I tend to raise my voice when he is misbehaving - not terribly loud, just loud enough to get his attention ... and yes, I spank my son when he's really getting out of hand or refuses to listen. Given, he is only one-year-old, therefore it's not a bend-you-over-my-knee sort of spanking -- just enough of a swat to get his attention and let him know that I'm serious.
When I look back on my childhood, there are many things that my Mother and my Grandparents (they shared the very large burden of raising this girl) didn't do that I believe are very important in shaping and molding this young person into a responsible, respectful, and productive member of society. And more and more lately, the older my son gets and the more independent he becomes, I find myself critiquing every little thing with thoughts like, "am I doing this right?" "should I have done that differently?" "was I too stern/not stern enough?" But in the midst of all this overthinking, a quote comes to mind that I've heard several times: "we're not perfect; we're parents!" Amen to that.
So, the current issue/topic with Jaxson these days is this: getting him to eat table food. He'll eat any jar of Gerber 3rd foods you want to feed him, but give him a Gerber Graduates meal for toddlers - anything with texture that he has to touch with his hands - and he is not having it. I know it's one of those things that takes time ... I have to remind myself that, at one point, he wouldn't drink out of a sippy cup, he wouldn't sleep in his crib, nor would he eat babyfood period. It's just one of those things that, as parents, causes us to worry ... I just have remember that he's not missing out on anything, nor is something wrong with him, because he's not quite ready to eat "big boy" food; he'll be ready some day.
Next, the current issue/topic with Mommy is my abs. They have been giving me a lot of concern lately! lol ... who else knows what I'm talking about?! My pregnancy was hard on my body, thanks in no small part to the 60 lbs I gained (eeek!). So, I've been doing a lot of research on how to get my abs back to where I want them. I've read everything from crazy diets, lifestyle changes, specific workouts/workout methods, skin brushing (who knew?), and tummy tucks (outta the question!). So, needless to say, I've settled on working specifically on my transverse abdominal muscles, which they say act as a gurdle for us ladies ... they are the deep abdominal muscles that lie below that six pack we all want. I'm going to document my journey to the perfect stomach once I get more of a plan laid out.
Well, I have to say I feel better ... I love blogging. It is SO therapeutic, even if I am the only one who's reading it.
Happy Thursday!
..xoxo..
This morning, my darling boy and I got up early (too early for my taste, but Jaxson dictates - lol) ... got Daddy's lunch packed and sent him off to work ... then went to the grocery story in order to get it out of the way before everyone else decided to do their shopping. But the strangest thing happened: the moment I walked in the door, it was as if my mind evaporated and I had no idea what in the world to buy!! So I stuck closely to the 10 or 20 items on my list and got outta there. Lately, I've been suffering from the "bored as h*ll with my life" syndrome. I believe we all go through seasons; seasons where our lives are everything we could ever want them to be, and seasons when our lives just suck. My son has absolutely nothing to do with my mood these days ... in fact, he's one of the only things that gives me reason to smile. And the changes that he is going through - that rapid transition from an infant to a toddler - amaze me more and more every day and give me such joy.
You see, I'm not a perfect Mother - nor do I pretend to be. I get impatient when Jaxson is screaming at the top of his lungs for something as simple as my wanting him to sit in his highchair long enough to eat one jar of babyfood ... I tend to raise my voice when he is misbehaving - not terribly loud, just loud enough to get his attention ... and yes, I spank my son when he's really getting out of hand or refuses to listen. Given, he is only one-year-old, therefore it's not a bend-you-over-my-knee sort of spanking -- just enough of a swat to get his attention and let him know that I'm serious.
When I look back on my childhood, there are many things that my Mother and my Grandparents (they shared the very large burden of raising this girl) didn't do that I believe are very important in shaping and molding this young person into a responsible, respectful, and productive member of society. And more and more lately, the older my son gets and the more independent he becomes, I find myself critiquing every little thing with thoughts like, "am I doing this right?" "should I have done that differently?" "was I too stern/not stern enough?" But in the midst of all this overthinking, a quote comes to mind that I've heard several times: "we're not perfect; we're parents!" Amen to that.
So, the current issue/topic with Jaxson these days is this: getting him to eat table food. He'll eat any jar of Gerber 3rd foods you want to feed him, but give him a Gerber Graduates meal for toddlers - anything with texture that he has to touch with his hands - and he is not having it. I know it's one of those things that takes time ... I have to remind myself that, at one point, he wouldn't drink out of a sippy cup, he wouldn't sleep in his crib, nor would he eat babyfood period. It's just one of those things that, as parents, causes us to worry ... I just have remember that he's not missing out on anything, nor is something wrong with him, because he's not quite ready to eat "big boy" food; he'll be ready some day.
Next, the current issue/topic with Mommy is my abs. They have been giving me a lot of concern lately! lol ... who else knows what I'm talking about?! My pregnancy was hard on my body, thanks in no small part to the 60 lbs I gained (eeek!). So, I've been doing a lot of research on how to get my abs back to where I want them. I've read everything from crazy diets, lifestyle changes, specific workouts/workout methods, skin brushing (who knew?), and tummy tucks (outta the question!). So, needless to say, I've settled on working specifically on my transverse abdominal muscles, which they say act as a gurdle for us ladies ... they are the deep abdominal muscles that lie below that six pack we all want. I'm going to document my journey to the perfect stomach once I get more of a plan laid out.
Well, I have to say I feel better ... I love blogging. It is SO therapeutic, even if I am the only one who's reading it.
Happy Thursday!
..xoxo..
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Inaugural Post
As I sit here contemplating exactly how to start this first blog, I am listening to and watching my amazing child squat in the floor by his Daddy's favorite chair ... taking a poop. Why can I reveal such intimate (and gross) details here? Because we are all Mothers! Pooping is a prominent part of our daily lives. Holla if ya hear me!!!!! ;) Well, I'll give him a minute before I clean that up, LOL.
First things first. If you don't know me, my name is Ashton West. I turned 24 on July 26th ... I am one credit hour away from being a Senior at the University of Texas of the Permian Basin with intentions of graduating as a Certified Elementary School Teacher on or before December 2011. I am currently unemployed while I finish my degree and stay home with my perfect and wonderful son Jaxson, who turned one-year-old on July 15th. I have had the joy, pleasure, and privledge of staying home with him (short of attending classes for a few hours a week) since he was born. [PAUSE ... that stinker is starting to stink up the whole living room ... ]
Aaaaaand, five minutes later, we're clean again. So, as I was saying ... I stay-at-home with Jaxson instead of working thanks in NO small part to my wonderful Husband Robert. We have been married for two years this past June. We have definitely had more than our fair share of ups-and-downs during the past nine years of our on-again-off-again relationship, but I can honestly say that I love him more now than I did as a love-struck 15-year-old high school sophomore ... something many people are never lucky enough to experience.
Well, it looks like this first blog is going to be much shorter than I had originally planned -- Jaxson is going through that phase where he wants Mommy's undivided attention 23 1/2 hours out of a 24 hour day ... it's very flattering and kind of amusing when he's pushing me around the kitchen just so I'll pick him up, or when he starts whining the moment I walk away from him or head in the opposite direction ... oh, the life of Mother.
More later!
..xoxo..
First things first. If you don't know me, my name is Ashton West. I turned 24 on July 26th ... I am one credit hour away from being a Senior at the University of Texas of the Permian Basin with intentions of graduating as a Certified Elementary School Teacher on or before December 2011. I am currently unemployed while I finish my degree and stay home with my perfect and wonderful son Jaxson, who turned one-year-old on July 15th. I have had the joy, pleasure, and privledge of staying home with him (short of attending classes for a few hours a week) since he was born. [PAUSE ... that stinker is starting to stink up the whole living room ... ]
Aaaaaand, five minutes later, we're clean again. So, as I was saying ... I stay-at-home with Jaxson instead of working thanks in NO small part to my wonderful Husband Robert. We have been married for two years this past June. We have definitely had more than our fair share of ups-and-downs during the past nine years of our on-again-off-again relationship, but I can honestly say that I love him more now than I did as a love-struck 15-year-old high school sophomore ... something many people are never lucky enough to experience.
Well, it looks like this first blog is going to be much shorter than I had originally planned -- Jaxson is going through that phase where he wants Mommy's undivided attention 23 1/2 hours out of a 24 hour day ... it's very flattering and kind of amusing when he's pushing me around the kitchen just so I'll pick him up, or when he starts whining the moment I walk away from him or head in the opposite direction ... oh, the life of Mother.
More later!
..xoxo..
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